A Lowe's is a Loews...not really

Howdy y'all.

Did ya ever read somethin', take action, and then find out you read the dad blamed thing wrong. I stumbled across this story today about Loews makin' big profits on tobacco. And y'all know me, profits and tobacco are my two favorite words.

Now I see Loews commercials on TV all the time. Think they got Gene Hackman doin' their announcin'. Nice feller, made a better Lex Luther than the guy from Seven. But I'm gettin' off track.

I read the story and got all excited about Loews investin' in cigarettes. Sure I bought the occasional shovel from 'em or here and there some pete moss, but I never knew they was one of the good guys. Who knew Loews made cigarettes? I mean it ain't in their fliers or nothin'.

So I hoped in my nicotine scented white and gold SUV and hauled my way over to the local home improvement big box store to pick up somethin'...anythin' just to show my support for another big tobacco company.

Make a short story long, I mosey up to the counter with a trowel, two piece of ceramic tile, and a roll of plumbers tape. The checkout gal asks me if there's anythin' else I need.

"Yes mam," I replied. "I just want to say that I am proud that yer company is makin' and sellin' cigarettes, and I support yer efforts 100 percent."

The little lady looked at me kind of funny and stated "I'm sorry sir we don't sell cigarettes."

To which I responded, "You don't!?! Well hell's bells chicky you oughter, accordin' to the story I just read Loews profits just rose 26 percent off its cigarette lines. You should be sellin' cigarettes from floor to ceilin', you should be givin' 'em away with the power tools."

I continued on with my strong business argument on why Loews should embrace their tobacco heritage and sell, sell, sell, 'till the cows come home. After about 5 minutes or so the people behind me started fussin' so I figured it was time to move on.

Everyone was lookin' at me like I grew a third eye er somethin'. Well it wasn't until I got home that I figured out why. Apparently there's two Loews. There's Loews the owner of Lorillard tobacco company and then there's Lowe's the home improvement store. Much to my chagrin they're two different companies all together.

Wish I'd read that article more closely before I got to the store. Anybody need a trowel, two piece of ceramic tile, or a roll of plumbers tape?

Shucks - Tobacco Ad Spendin' Down

After a few days on the road, we're back at the Big Tobacco Blog. Hope y'all missed us.

It's a dangerous thing, goin' on the road. I'm off fer just a couple days and all of the sudden we get this terrible news. It seems the good ol' boys of my chosen profession have seen fit to decrease the amount of money we're dishin' out fer marketin' and advertisin'. Shameful boys just shameful.

Accordin' to some Washington fellers from the Federal Trade Commission tobacco marketin' dropped by nearly two billion - that's billion with a "b" - dollars from the year 2004 to 2005. I ain't happy about this son!

Of course before I get two worked up, we gotta keep a couple of important points in mind that we all can take comfort in. First while tobacco spendin' is down, we still spent $13.1 billion dollars - that's billion with a "B" on marketin' in '05. So it's kind a like flickin' a small piece of ash off the end of a smooth rich Liardare Carolina 100. It may make that 100 a bit smaller but its still a whole lot a cigarette to smoke.

Also, it ain't like we gotta worry about competition from anti-smokin' types. At times it may seem like y'all see lots of "don't smoke this, don't smoke that" commercials on TV but really states are only spending pennies on the dollar to counteract that $13.1 billion with a "b". Accordin' to this report the ratio of tobacco marketin' to state counter spendin' in 2006 was estimated 28 to 1. And boy, I like them odds.

Well, I gotta say, after sortin' beyond the headline I feel a might better now. And just to finish off yer week on the right note, take a lookey at this great ad fer Kent Cigarettes that tells us all it's a small world after all.

New Hampshire Paper Gets it Right!

Kudos from the Big Tobacco Blog to Forster's Daily Democrat in Dover, New Hampshire fer gettin' it right. The paper has a brilliant editorial out this mornin' on smokin' bans and why there's just plain no excuse fer 'em.

Here's a great quote fer y'all where they liken exposin' yer employees to the more than 4000 toxic chemic...uh...natural flavors found in secondhand smoke to servin' a mean Pad Thai.

"...there is nothing sacred about working in or eating at a particular restaurant or bar. There are plenty of them throughout the state. Some even specialize. There are places for pizza and steaks. There are restaurants that specialize in ethnic foods — Greek, Chinese or Thai. Some places only serve subs and wraps. Others offer seven course meals to die for. And some allow smoking while others don't"

Y'all see. Smokin' adds ambiance. It's just the same as specializin' in havin' Baklava er Lo Mein. And, as the paper wrote, some offer meals to die fer...and if Foster's has it's way, that'll include staff.

Well what you may ask does Foster's say about the health dangers of smokin' and secondhand smoke? Wisely, nothin'! There ain't none, at least none worth talkin' about in an editorial. The words secondhand, cancer, disease, lung and heart never appear in the story. Instead they focus on the smell of smoke and the stains it can cause in clothes.

And let me tell all y'all editorial writers somethin', that is THE BEST way to deal with the health concerns about smokin'...DON'T DEAL WITH 'EM. Ignore 'em they'll go away. Trust me on this, we've done the research. The less you talk about things like cancer, heart disease, high blood pressure and secondhand smoke the better it is fer everybody.

So kudos to you Foster's Daily Democrat in Dover, New Hampshire. You're a bold visionary offern' a template for an editorial that every newspaper in the country should be usin'.

One thing I know: Kids Dig Penguins

I recently went to the Georgia Aquarium. Neat place, lots of fish. Got in trouble for droppin' a line in the Beluga tank but that's a story fer another time.

At any rate, I noticed that them kiddies was all lined up to see the penguins. Don't know what kids like about penguins but I promise ya they're grape ape crazy about the little buggers. Trust me we've done the research.

Well if yer a parent have I got a treat fer you baby! Happy Friday from the Big Tobacco Blog. Go pick up lil' Jimmy or Johnnie or Jenny and park 'em in front of the computer for this. Sit back, relax, fire up a Liardare Carolina 100 and let my friend Puffy the Penguin tell you how your kids can be KOOL!

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Yup clean as a breath of fresh air baby!

I Told Ya So!!! Smokin' Saves Lives!!!

Friends, smokers, fellow addict...uh...customers of Liardare Tobacco Company. Today is the story we've been waitin' fer all our lives. Today is a red letter day. Today is the day we all here at the Big Tobacco Blog can give a big Yee Haw.

There is now proof that smokin' saves lives.

Let me say that again, just to make sure y'all got it.

There is now proof that smokin' SAVES LIVES. Take that pinko health nuts!

Accordin' to the Associated Press, Brenda Corner of Rock Hill, South Carolina was fixin' to have a cigarette after finishin' the dishes. She steps out side, lights up and blamo baby an 80 foot oak crashes through her kitchen.

Reportedly Brenda told her husband "Honey, I know you fuss at me for smokin'. But today it saved my life." She then coughed up a lung, demanded oxygen and collapsed.

Okay that last part didn't happen, I thought I'd just make the obvious joke you health types would, to cut y'all off. See, ol' Rufus is one step up on you fellers. So there.

Now the important question which ain't asked is...what brand of cigarette was she smokin'? Because clearly that company has stumbled onto something and designed a product to protect people from fallin' trees. And I think that surgeon general feller in Washington needs to get off his ol' duff and call for an immediate redesign of cigarette warnings. Change it to somethin' like..."Cigarettes may or may not cause health problems (but they probably don't) but they will protect you from 80 foot oak trees." I could live with that.

Another thing, people made such a fuss a few months back when it was found that big tobacco companies were changing the "so called" addictive properties of cigarettes to make 'em more potent. Well here again health nuts you wrong as wrong can be. If they hadn't monkeyed with the nicotine levels, poor ol' Brenda's nic fit might not have hit at just the moment she was about to be introduced to Alvin and the Chipmunks deluxe condo. One microbe less dioxin in that smoke and she'd be dead as Dillinger right now. I suppose that'd make you health types real happy huh!?!

Well not me baby. I'm glad to know that I live in a world where adjustments in the levels of cigarette chemica....uh...wholesome ingredients can result in people being protected from giant fallin' future reams of paper.

So there it is folks, brought to y'all by the Big Tobacco Blog, irrefutable proof that smokin' saves lives!

YEEEE HAAAAWWWW!

A Classic: You've Come Along Way Baby!

Here's another chestnut from the good ol' days when you could call a gal baby without worryin' about gettin' slapped in the mush. Looky how happy this little filly is with her Virginia Slims. Course not as happy as she be firin' up a smooth, refreshing, cool, Liardare Carolina 100 but whatcha gonna do.

Enjoy!

News Round-Up fer Tuesday

Mornin' everybody.

Well the good folks at RJ Reynolds are bein' forced to cough up - no pun intended - $2 billion for that silly MSA thingy. One can only hope their new pink ribbon cigarette will make up some of that lost money. Good luck boys we're a rootin' fer ya here at the Big Tobacco Blog.

On the positive side, the North Carolina legislature is waterin' down their proposed smokin' ban. The law would now only cover bars where adults are allowed. Wait a second here, does that mean all those bars for kids will have to become smoke-free. That's an outrage!

Speakin' of outrages, Ohio is eliminatin' all smokin' in bars and restaurants on May 1. Similar to yesterday's prediction about casinos, I predict that every bar and restaurant will close just as they did in New York and California.

Nothin' better then Smokin' and Water Skiin'

Don't ya' miss the days when you could water ski and fire 'em up at the same time. I know I do.

Here's a great ol' ad from the 1950's. And I defy y'all to watch this without gettin' that catchy theme song in yer head.

"Smokers who know, now smoke the big O.
Smokers who know, now smoke the big O."

News Round-Up fer Monday

Well don't this just beat all. The Irish have turned against us. According to this story out of...whatever the heck publication this is... pollution inside bars has decreased since they enacted their smokin' ban. In a sign of protest I'm askin' that every one of y'all boycott next year's St. Patrick's day celebratin'.

More bad news. Atlantic City enacted restrictions on smokin' in all their casinos. Obviously, because of this law, all casinos in New Jersey will close immediately, no matter what the New York Times, gaming experts at Poker Mag and those kooks at the British Medical Journal say. And you especially don't want to go this site where people are actually callin' for an all out ban on smokin' in Atlantic City casinos.

On the plus side, there's a brand spankin' new cigarette makin' the rounds. While it ain't from the good folks at Lairdare it's a great marketin' idea. A pink ribbon cigarette for women. You can read more about it here. It really is a brilliant idea, so much so that the folks at Lairdare don't want to miss the boat. I hope you'll help us with our new promotion by takin' a click over at the poll we got running on the Big Tobacco Blog.

Well until next time. Fire 'em up.

Told ya so!

The other day I mentioned that I have a constitutional right to smoke where ever and whenever I dern well please. Well today I'm happy to report that a judge in Colorado is exercisin' my kind of sense. Accordin' to the Denver Post smokin' bans are unconstitutional in Colorado. Somethin' to do with cigar bars and while Lairdare don't sell no cigars, ANY PORT IN A STORM I SAY...YEEE HAAWWW!

Apparently Addams County Judge Robert S. Doyle said the ban violates the due-process rights of bar owners because it don't allow 'em the chance to establish their businesses as cigar bars.

Of course, the real question is why should we limit this just to bars!?! Shouldn't any business be allowed to sell cigars and thus allow smokin' in their establishment? Fer example, what about allowing movie theaters to sell cigars? They could become a movie theater cigar bar. Or how about hospitals that specialize cancer care? Could be a one stop shop.

Before y'all tell me this is too nutty to work check out this great business idea from Smokin' Joe a tobacco maker in Niagara Falls, New York who's on the right track with his "Smokin Joe's Family Fun Center." It's a great place for all your childhood entertainment and cigarette needs. Plus it get them kiddies excited about the Smokin Joe brand.

Cinergy baby, it's all about cinergy!

Auntie Dotal - My Favorite Relative - Goes to New Jersey

Good for the bar and restaurant owners in New Jersey.

In an Associated Press story appearin' throughout the state today, the New Jersey Restaurant Association released new information provin' the smokin' ban is closin' perhaps millions of New Jersey restaurants. The proof is being offered in the form of expert testimony from my favorite relative, good ol' Auntie Dotal. I love Auntie Dotal, you can always count on her. And she makes a mean shoo-fly pie.

Auntie Dotal usually shows anywheres from a month to a year after one of them vile smokin' bans has been put in place. She does all sorts of studyin' where she travels from bar to bar and takes a look see around at what's happenin'. She then reports that information to good folks like smokespeople...uh....spokespeople for bar and tavern groups, smokers rights organizations and other like minded fine upstandin' folks.

Accordin' to the story Deborah Dowdell, president of the New Jersey Restaurant Association, said hundreds of restaurants, bars and taverns have seen sales cut in half while others will be forced to close.

Good old Auntie Dotal is back in town! Oh and never mind none of you smarty pants health types who go and point out things like "this isn't based on any objective meanin'full study" or "this is just one person's opinion" or "what do the hard number say?" Sush I say to y'all. You don't need numbers when you got Auntie Dotal!

And no don't even bother yappin' about that BMJ report "Tobacco Industry Manipulation of the hospitality industry to maintain smoking in public places" from March 2002 that linked the New Jersey Restaurant Association to tobacco companies' efforts to block smokin' bans. Bunch of fuss over nothin'.

Just you wait a couple months from now some other health smarty pants types will probably come out with some study on liquor sales, applications for liquor licenses or unemployment that completely refudiate Aunty's observations. Jerks. Who needs it.

I say Auntie is expert enough for me. So what if the evidence out of California, New York, a dozen other states and several countries shows by and large smokin' bans don't harm businesses in the long term. That doesn't mean things will turn out the same way in New Jersey dag nabbit. And by the way, tobacco companies are businesses and smokin' bans sure as heck harm us!

Look, if Auntie Dotal's word is good enough for restaurant groups and tobacco companies it should be good enough for you! Who's gonna argue with Auntie!?!

Yee Haw Salute - A Doctor I Can Trust

Mornin' y'all, we've got our first Yee Haw Salute!

What's a Yee Haw Salute? Well I'll tell ya. The Yee Haw Salute, son, is the way we honor people for speakin' their minds in the media with the same integrity we use here at the Big Tobacco Blog.

And today's winner is truly a rare thing. A doctor who gets it!

We're proud to award our first Yee Haw Salute to Maryland State Senator Andrew P. Harris, MD. The MD after his name is the key part. That means he's a doctor type. But he's a doctor type who isn't gonna be swayed by little things like common sense or decades of research linking secondhand smoke and cancer. Atta boy Doc!

You see, today's another not so good day for folks like you and me who love to smoke where ever and whenever we dern-well please. The pinheads in the Maryland Senate voted 31-16 to ban smokin' in all bars and restaurants across the state. The bill now goes before the General Assembly on Monday where - of course - it's expected pass as well. Is there no justice in this world!?!

One of the 16 brave ones who're lookin' out for the little feller is Dr. Senator Harris. In today's Baltimore Sun, Dr. Senator Harris points out that these smokin' bans ain't nothin' more than Government intrudin' and at some point you've got to "let people assume the risk."

The doctor displayes more of his trademark brand of public health vision in an article he wrote for a smoker's rights web-site where he compares the risks of so-called secondhand smoke to rock climbin' and white water raftin'. Of course the health nuts would probably say somethin' like "well if I white water raft, you don't tend to get lung cancer from it." But you know how them health fellers - Dr. Senator Harris excluded - like to act like a bunch a smarty paints.

Dr. Senator Harris wisely ignores all this fallderall too and basically says, if ya don't wanna die you just shouldn't be a waitress. Or as he put it, "workers accept those risks in return for wages." YEE HAW! NOW THIS IS THE DOCTOR FOR ME!!!

Dr. Senator Harris your type of public health is an inspiration to us all. On behalf of the employees and addict...uh...cusomters of tobacco companies everywhere, we take off our big ten gallon, light 'em up and yell YEEEEEE HAAAAAW SALLLUTE!

Congratulations Dr. Senator a special carton of smooth rich refreshin' Lairdare Carolina 100's is on the way to you. You can send Dr. Senator Harris a special congratulations of yer own at his email type address: andrew.harris@senate.state.md.us

Cigarette Taxes - Won't they ever learn?

Yee haw y'all.

Although I'm feelin' a little glum this mornin'. You see a bunch of them pointy headed politician types in New York - where else - are talkin' about raising taxes on cigarettes. And - of course - the local papers are fully in support. You can read more about the whole sad circumstance here and here.

Won't these people ever learn. Smokin' is good for public health. Don't believe me, listen to this English feller explain the whole thing. Ever notice how everythin' sounds more credible when it's bein' spoke by an English feller. Don't know why but it does.

More of the Good Old Days - Flinstone's Cig Ad

As I said, I miss the good old days.

This was sent to me as an example of the long history of tobacco companies marketin' to kids.



Of course that's just nonsense. The Flintstones were a PRIME TIME show, clearly aimed at adults. I mean what kid was gonna know Stony Curtis was supposed to be Tony Curtis? Or Ann-Margrock was supposed to be Ann-Margaret?

It's all above their heads - trust me we've done the research.

It does, however, remind me of the really nice marketin' we had all lined up at Lairdare with Top Cat before the government shut us down.

Oh, and don't even get me started on what they did to us over our Tele-Tubbies campaign in 1998. Hey, three things before you judge. One, that campaign was aimed at mom's not kids. Two, who's to say Tinky Winky didn't smoke in his..her...whatever that thing is' off hours? Three, they were LIGHT cigarettes. Reduced harm people, REDUCED.

I Miss the Good Old Days

I miss the good old days.

Days when men were men and you could smoke in places like airplanes, restaurants and child daycare centers. When real guys like John Wayne, Humphrey Bogart, Yul Brenner could light up without fear of anything bad happenin' to em.

I am so sick of hearin' piddly complaints and whinin'. Seems like a feller can't light up anymore without some do gooder violatin' my constitutional right to enjoy a smooth, refreshing, rich Lairdare Carolina Leaf 100(now with 10% less dioxin, visit your local grocery store for more information).

Why just the other day, I was sittin' there mindin' my own business enjoyin' a smoke and some crazy woman comes up and starts yellin' at me.

"Excuse me sir," she said with a false air of politeness. "Would you mind not smoking in here?"

"Why yes I would ma'am," I replied with all the niceatudes I could muster.

"But sir," she droned on. "My baby shouldn't be breathin' in that smoke."

That was the last straw for me. I said "look lady, the Maternity Ward is a public place. If you don't want your baby around smoke go somewhere else. There's plenty of other hospitals in town. That's your right as a consumer!"

Then she screamed somethin' about water breakin' or whatever. I don't know, I stopped listenin'. Made a whole scene over my one, almost harmless, little ol' Carolina 100.

And lemme tell ya somethin' else. Those hospital security fellas, ain't nice.

Yee haw y'all and welcome!

Yee haw y’all!

Welcome to the Big Tobacco Blog. I’m Rufus T. Baccey a former executive for Lairdare Tobacco Company. Although I should be careful mentionin' the name of the company. Don't want to get accused of offerin' free advertisin'. You saw what they did to those NASCAR fellers. Nextel Cup my foot. Winston Cup forever baby!

My goal here at the Big Tobacco Blog is to give you the news you need to know about smoking…unfiltered. Because we all know filters are for wimps. Yup just the honest to goodness, pure as Carolina leaf truth. None of that mamby pamby nonsense you see from oddball wacko fringe publications like the New York Times...or the Washington Post...or the New England Journal of Medicine.

So sit back, relax, take a deep breath (well, as deep as you can we all know that can be difficult sometimes) and light ‘em up baby! And remember, a cough isn't a warnin' sign. Its a badge of honor!