Altria-istic and Moralistic

Came across this golden oldie from the legendary head of R&D at Philip Morris (now Altria fer those of y'all keepin' score at home), Dr. Helmut Wakeham.



We need more fellers like this who ain't afraid to tell it like it is.

Here Wakeham says that if cigarettes were harmful Philip Morris would quit the business of sellin' cigarettes (a silly thing to promise but it placates them health types I suppose).

Also says Phillip Morris is a moralistic company (although I supposed they'd now be an Altria-istic company fer those of y'all keepin' score at home). Dr. Wakeham also explains there is a great deal of doubt on whether cigarettes are harmful.

I know I fer one doubt that there can be any harm at all in lightin' up a smooth, rich, Liardare Carolina 100. And if that's good enough fer me, should be good enough fer y'all too.

FDA FDSchmay...Smokin' is good fer Pregnant Moms

Ya might have heard there's a bunch of hub bub about whether or not the Feds at the FDA should be regulatin' tobacco companies.

Apparently -surprise surprise - them Free Tobacco fer Kids Campaign fellers are pushin' this nonsense. Of course other mamby pamby health types are in the mix too. They've got a bunch of newspapers callin' fer federal regulations as well here here here and here.

Shameful. I say FDA FDSchmay. Tobacco companies can police themselves. Look at what a good job we done with flavored cigarettes this week. And we've been makin' pledges fer years about our cigarettes.

Fer example take a lookey at this clip from 1971 where then Philip Morris CEO Joseph Cullman vows to take any ingredients found to be dangerous out of cigarettes. He also assures pregnant moms that smokin' is safe and - rightly - points out that cigarettes can actually be good fer moms as some women prefer smaller babies.



Why on Earth would anybody be suggestin' we need Federal regulatin'? Just don't make no sense to me.

Still more fun with Flavors...uh...Blends (I said blends and I never said what kind of flavors...uh...blends)

Lotsa coverage on the Internet about the new Camel Signature line of smokes.

First you have Reynolds finding a sympathetic ear in the Winston Salem Journal. Headline is RJR wants a retraction from them anti-smokin' fellers. Good luck Joe. I'm still waitin' fer 'em to respond to my challenge regardin' the false advertisin' in their name.

You've also got the advertisin' media coverin' the story. Who even knew there was an advertisin' media. What do them fellers do just sit around watchin' commercials all day and then get all Siskel and Ebertey on Pillsbury Doughboy spots? Interestin' gig. Anywho you've got a story in Brandweek which apparently is different from Adweek. I wonder if they have a softball game or somethin' every year against one another.

Lastly the Business Journal at Michigan Live has a story as well. There was also word goin' around that one of the networks was lookin' into the story but has put those plans on hold fer now. We'll see what happens.

More fun with flavors...uh...blends

Well things are gettin' a might touchy on them flavored...uh...blended cigarettes. First of all, ya got them sidewinders at the Campaign Fer Tobacco Free Kids complainin' in a press release.


Incidentally, I don't get the name of the Campaign Fer Tobacco Free Kids. I looked all over their website and I never once found nothin' promotin' free tobacco fer kids. Look fellers if ya put up a petition callin' fer free tobacco fer kids ol' Rufus will be the first one to sign it. But until then y'all might wanna consider changin' that misleadin' name of yers.


Where was I, oh yeah, the next best thing to free tobacco fer kids, flavor...uh...blended cigarettes. Well there's also advertisin' in the new Cosmo and finally, late yesterday the good folks at Reynolds struck back at them health sidewinders with a blisterin' statement.


I'll paraphrase fer y'all but basically my compadres at Camel are sayin' the health folks got it wrong and there ain't nothin' in the agreement that ended the sale of flavored cigarettes.

Now ya might say, "Say what!?!" Especially if ya remember the headlines that announced "Historic Agreement to End Sale of Flavored Cigarettes" and "Reynolds Agrees to Quit Sellin' Flavored Cigarettes in US."


Well Reynolds is sayin', if y'all look at the full agreement (which ya can here) it calls fer them to take all them flavored cigarettes off the shelves and never market anythin' with flavors like rooty tooty fruity apple again.


So they did quit sellin' 'em...fer a whole seven months. And now they've got 'em back on the market, in magazine ad and stores. Heck some folks have even got 'em on Ebay.


And the key, accordin' to Reynolds, is they ain't callin' 'em flavored cigarettes no more. Now they're Signature Blends.

Instead of Mandarin Mint which was oranges and asian mint you've now got Frost which is just asian mint. They moved the oranges to Infused which is also chocked full of rooty tooty fruity appley goodness.

And the names is nice and ambiguous so it ain't obvious what flavor...uh...blend Infused, Frost and the like are. Well unless ya do a two second google search on Camel Infused and get 10 pages of results, but that's neither here nor there.

Heh, I tell ya', them good ol' boys at Camel are slipperier then a goose in a grinder.

So we'll see what happens now. Some folks are callin' fer the Federal Government to regulate tobacco products while some states like New York are talkin' about an out and out ban on flavored cigarettes no matter what they're called.

Stay tuned.

Yee Haw Salute - Reynolds Shirks AG Deal and Brings Back Flavored Cigarettes

Ladies and gentlemen, we have another Yee Haw Salute winner!

Remember last year when Reynolds Tobacco "voluntarily" agreed to take flavored cigarettes off the market? Politicians, health officials, youth advocates, and asthmatics everywhere all celebrated this historic agreement. Well you health types didn't figure on one key loophole in Reynold's pledge to remove flavored cigarettes from store shelves.

They didn't mean it.

Take a looky here at this photo taken in New York City a couple days ago.

FLAVORED CIGARETTES ARE BACK BABY!!!!

Reynold's Camel has introduced a new line of flavored cigarettes called "Signature Blends." The new flavor....uh....blends include:
toasted honey ("Mellow"), cocoa and espresso ("Robust"), mint ("Frost"), and of course rooty tooty fruity apple ("Infused").

I tell ya, 2007 is turnin' out to be a banner year fer the good ol' boys at Camel. First they introduce their new pink ribbon breast cancer awarness cigarette and now they reveal they had their fingers crossed when they stuck the flavored cigarettes deal with Elliot Spitzer and other AGs across the rooted tooted fruited plain.

Brilliant tactics and it reminds me of a valuable piece of advice I received from Harlan D. Liardare III himself when I began my tobacco career with the Liardare Tobacco Company.

"Rufus," Mr. Liardare said, "if y'all can't beat 'em, lie to 'em. It'll shut 'em up fer a little while." Wise, wise man Mr. Liardare.

Reynolds actions prove again that the old ways fer big tobacco are still the best ways. Oh and one more thing, just to show that Reynolds and Camel care, check out the bottom corner of the ad.

Y'all see? This ad even contains a plug fer Time Out New York's Kids Edition. Now that, my friends, is what we call synergy.

So congratulations Reynolds and Camel. Ya' lead the way fer us all on how to deal with government and public health issues. Out an out lyin'. And on behalf of the employees and addict...uh...cusomters of tobacco companies everywhere, we take off our big ten gallon, light 'em up and yell YEEEEEE HAAAAAW SALLLUTE!

Anti-smokin' ads get the hook

Howdy folks,

Been on the road more than a possum who meet the business end of steamroller lately and just ain't had time to update the Big Tobacco Blog. Suffice to say it was secret business involvin' me and my ol' buddies at Liardare - home of the smooth refreshin' Carolina 100. I'd tell y'all more but I y'all know some things just have to be hush hush.

This story caught my eye out of the UK. That's where London, England is. The government over there created a series of advertisements highlightin' the -so called- "perils of tobacco addiction." Perils my foot. Ain't nothin' better for y'all then the rich blend of a Liardare Carolina 100 at 6 a.m. with that first cup of coffee. Makes me want to take a deep breath right now. Wish I still could.

At any rate, to illustrate these "perils" (note I put quotes on the word perils because I ain't really sure there is perils but I don't want to keep harpin' on the same dead horse) they made it look like they jammed a bunch of hooks into people mouths like they was some sort of walleye in the Lake Obeshaw Fishin' Derby. People got offended as people often do and now the ads have been yanked from...well...where ever the heck they was runnin' 'em, I didn't read the whole thing. I'm just happy somethin' from their side got yanked.

See the thing that gets me is tobacco ads are happy and inspirin'. I mean look at this one from Lucky Strike. The cigarettes are all jolly, square dancin', not dying slow horribly painful deaths. Why can't one of them anti smokin' ads feature a jugglin' squirrel or somethin'. Just a suggestion.